Which do you prefer? It’s Valentine’s time of year yet more and more people are finding themselves still single; or maybe single “again.” The holidays and the super bowl are behind us and spring is months away; so now is the time to focus on finally finding the romantic relationship of your dreams. But then the reality of the drag of dating, the time consumption, the dead beats, losers and emotional wrecks “out there” slap you in the face.
Hey we are all getting older and maturing. It’s not a simple task to find a reason to get out of your routine to go out on a date. And if your’re a Baby Boomer and the last time you were dating Cher still loved Sonny, William Shatner had a waistline, go-go boots were all the rage and you could actually hear yourself talk in a bar, you’re in for quite a ride and awakening in 2012. You can’t fix the other person but you can be the best “You” can be by following three simple steps:
- The Uniform: don’t fool yourself; think of dating as an activity or even a “sport.” It takes not only time but “equipment.” Things like a nice outfit or shirt, new jeans or skirt and a new hair cut (and maybe color?). You must be ready to present the best “you” possible. And the mental resources must be ready to go as well. You know, have the high energy, bubbly personality and quick wit replies off the cuff to keep it interesting. Be willing to put the time into writing cute intriguing emails for Internet dating, etc. You need to be the type of person “you’d” want to hang out with… and you’ll need a little extra cash to be able to pay your share of the movie tickets or dinner (guys be prepared to foot 100% of the bill and gals, if you want to impress a guy, occasionally pick up the tab but neither never blow your personal budget). Personal financial or investment advice helps here as well.
- Be the Ball: forget the past, it doesn’t matter what happened to you last week or last year, no one really cares. Everyone has their story of hurt and betrayal (blah, blah, blah); you need to be the fresh start person. Who cares that the “ex” got you mother’s china in the divorce, or Aunt Sally’s serving platter, get over it. Make sure you are over the past relationship(s) before you set the course for another one. Ask your friends what they think and if they believe you are ready to date. Or seek out local professional advice, or support groups for help.
- Practice makes perfect: Okay so you have a life and don’t really “need” anyone else. It’s hard to remember what “you” were like pre-marriage and before divorce and how much your wants/needs/must haves were blurred and modified over the years to suit your ex. Now that you’re single, you don’t have to answer to any bell or whistle; you can lounge around all day in your underwear or spend the entire day without make up or not shaving. And good for you if you’re digging that laid back all-about-me scene. But that bird won’t fly and that dog won’t hunt in the dating game. Make certain you are prepared to give back a little and throttle back on the strident attitude of been-there-done-that routine. Cut the other person a little slack. And while you do not want to fall in love with a walking financial mess, wait a while before prying into their investment history or finding out if they have an IRA, 401k or life insurance!
You’re single, you’re a parent and most of all, you’re busy. And if you’re even a tad bit sociable, then you’ve got a full plate. But you’ll have to make time for the new person in your world. Again, be sure you’re ready for this. After all when you’re single and decide to treat yourself to a new golf club, shoes or purse, there’s no partner throwing a wet towel on your idea or to wag a disapproving finger. If you want to stay up all night watching TV and eating snacks, no one is there to nag. There’s a lot to be said for the single life, and if that’s how you’re feeling, then this may not be the right time to start dating again.
But since it’s Valentines time again, having a partner in your life can be enriching, motivating, thrilling, rewarding and downright fun. Eventually you’ll weigh the benefits of being someone’s “significant other” against those of being solo. Factor in also the benefits of a partner when it comes time for the annuity of social security and other financial aspects benefiting a “couple.” An local advisor can help you and provide best advice on this issue. When you’re not really looking is when your mate will appear; and you’ll know in your heart that it’s time to leave your “single” comfort zone.
